Microsoft Image
“Mom, when are you going to buy me my first box of condoms?”
That was the question my 14 year-old son asked me yesterday. He probably had heard me tell someone how I bought my oldest son his first box of condoms when he turned 14. He then followed with, “I’m just kidding.” But was he really or is he testing the waters to see what my response would be?
Yes, I bought my oldest son his first box of condoms when he turned 14. As I handed him the box I told him that I hope he was never (at least until he was older) in a situation where he needed to use them but if he did find himself in that situation I would rather him be safe than sorry. I’m please to be able to say he never needed them until he was 17 and by then he had bought fresh ones.
Same story with my second son, who was only 4 years younger, and now my youngest son wants to know when it is his turn. My youngest son was born a year after my oldest son turned 14 and a lot has changed over the past 15 years. Teens are spending more time socializing via technology then they are out in person and my son is no different. He goes to school, then basketball practice (or after school activities) then comes home, eats, then gets on his Ps3, Xbox or computer and that’s where he stays until time for bed. So, I really haven’t given much thought into whether or not he was having or tempted to have sex.
Another thing that has changed, at least where we live, is school are quicker to let you know when your children are not at school. I get an automated phone call if my son is not in one of his classes so I know my son is not skipping school to be off doing who knows what with who knows who. So, I guess I just haven’t been that concerned about him having sex.
For those of you who believe it is wiser to be safe than sorry, just when is the right time to discuss protection? For me the answer lies within my own past. What was I doing at age 14, what were other kids doing at that age? Of course, like I said, kids aren’t as sociable in person now as they were then but in my opinion it is still wiser to be safe than sorry.
One thing I can say is that I do have a more open relationship with my children than I had with my parents. The discussion was off limits with my mother. I honestly believe that my ability and willingness to be open and honest with my children is why my boys, so far, have all remained virgins until they were at least 17. Which, I still would have preferred them to be older but realistically I think that was a pretty good success story – and they used protection (at least that’s what they told me). Considering I have no grandbabies out of wedlock or otherwise – they were most likely telling the truth. Lord, I hope I didn’t just curse myself as I still have one more son (14) and a daughter (5) to go.
As parents we can’t afford to let our personal feelings interfere with how we approach the subject of sex with our children. I don’t know a single parent that wants their young teens to have sex and put themselves in situations that could be harmful to their health or make their life more complicated. I won’t go into what my own mother’s opinions were but because she was unapproachable and stubborn in our own opinions I had very little guidance in the area. The reasons I made the mistakes I did go much deeper than that but when a teen doesn’t feel safe to approach their own parents about important issues then to whom will they turn to?
This does not mean we have to agree with or condone everything our children want but reality tells us we cannot control what another person does short of locking them in a cement room and I do not recommend doing that. We can only try to guide our teens into the right direction but they will take whatever path they choose. Like it or not our teens will make mistakes and they will pay the consequences of those mistakes but if we can help prevent unwanted disease and pregnancy the consequences won’t be as bad as they could be. They will still have to mend broken hearts, bruised egos, and deal with self esteem issues but at least they won’t be sick from an STD or have to pay child support for the next 18 years. I told my boys that giving them condoms was not the same as giving them permission but more importantly then my desire to control them – I wanted them to be safe.
Recently Active Members
